Divorce issues: Six things you really need to know

Recently on our divorce forum a user asked, “My husband and I divorced last year. I am still reeling. I wish someone would have told me what divorce was really like. Do you have a list of divorce issues or information that I should have known before the divorce? Maybe it will help other women.”

Most couples who have been through divorce will tell you they had no idea what to expect and they were unprepared for the emotional, logistical, and legal part of the process. So let’s talk about the most common divorces issues and what you really need to know about divorce.

1. You may lose some friends.

Unfortunately, whether or not they mean to, some of your friends may feel like they have to choose sides. They may feel like being your friend is a betrayal to your spouse, or they may simply feel uncomfortable being around you now that your single.

2. You will have to learn a lot about the legal process of divorce.

Although most couples will hire a divorce lawyer, if you have children and a number of assets to divide, it’s important that you review the divorce laws of your state.

For example, if you and your spouse cannot agree on child custody, review how the courts determine custodial arrangements. Additionally, make sure you understand how your state divides property.

3. Be prepared for both the legal and emotional part of divorce.

It’s not unusual for some individuals to deal well with the emotional part of divorce gathering a team of friends and family to support them but fail to understand the legal process. Others understand the legality but fail to address their emotions.

To combat the emotional roller coaster, you need to find friends and family who will support you. Consider joining a divorce support group. Do not isolate yourself. Find other people who have been through what you are going through.

To address your legal concerns you can talk to a divorce lawyer, but you can also research your state’s divorce laws. The internet is full of websites and articles with information about child custody, property distribution, child support, and spousal support.

4. Get ready for judgment.

No matter what caused the divorce most of your friends and family members will have an opinion about the divorce. The bottom line, however, is no one is privy to all of the information. In some cases, you may have done all you could to salvage the marriage but he still left you. Divorce will help you determine who were truly your friends.

5. It will make you stronger.

It’s an enviable truth: adversity builds character. Everything you are going through will make you stronger and make you appreciate loyalty and friendship.

6. Divorce does not have to define you.

Getting divorced is an event. It does not have to define you. You can love again. You can be happy. It does not have to define who you are for the rest of your life.

Bottom line:

You can never completely prepare yourself for divorce. Fortunately, there are more accessible resources than ever before to help you navigate the divorce process.

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