January is one of busiest months for divorce lawyers. Couples coming off the high of the holidays, who spent months pretending everything is okay, may decide one of their resolutions for the New Year is to get a divorce.
But the truth, one that many people try to avoid considering, is that divorce can be detrimental to your health and your children. It inflicts misery upon your family. And if you have children you can expect divorce to bring a vast new set of problems.
Does this mean you should never get divorce? No, if there is infidelity with a spouse who refuses to end the affair or violence, it may be time to separate and consider divorce. But the truth is for many couples, divorce can be avoided if the spouses are willing to work together and make changes to improve the relationship.
If you don’t think you can improve the relationship and believe divorce is the only way out of a broken relationship, experts suggest it’s time to consider a few things first. For instance, if you are a mother of young children and you are not currently working, it’s likely you will have to return to work. Without a second pay check for many families it will be impossible for the man to support two establishments.
What happens if your spouse remarries after divorce?
What about if your spouse decides to remarry? Now he will have to support a second wife and the amount of money he has to give to and your children could be reduced even further. Statistically, the father is also more likely to lose touch with children who do not reside in his home. What if the second wife has a substantial income? Well, that could be good news for you and your family, but the second marriage may flounder if the second wife believes they are working just to support their husband’s first family.
Divorced couples often regret the divorce
Another fact many couples don’t talk about is the percentage of people who divorce but claim they regret their decision. In fact, many couples believe if they had remained married it would have been better, not only for their own health and well-being, but also for the health of their children.
Studies have also shown marriage is healthy. It sustains life, and it produces children who do better in school, who are more obedient, and who are less aggressive. Marriage also reduces the financial difficulties of families and eliminates emotional upheaval.
Consider alternatives to divorce
If you are a woman you now have more options. You may not depend on your husband to support your financially. You also may view divorce as freedom. But before divorcing it’s important to consider that if your marriage breaks down you may have less freedom than before. Now you may be tied to your children and your home – both economically and emotionally- with no support.
What if you are divorcing for the children? Currently, there is no evidence to show either that children are better off living with two parents who are staying together solely for their sake, or that they are better off with one divorced parent, because it is impossible to research the subject objectively. The truth is- both situations could hurt your kids.
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