Getting married is a happy time, divorce, not so much. A female life coach and psychology PhD says there are 3 steps to a happy divorce.
Is it true? Can you really spell d-i-v-o-r-c-e as h-a-p-p-y?
According to Dr. Lisa Kaplin, founder of an organization called “Smart Women Inspired Lives,” going through a divorce rather than trying to endure a miserable, non-functioning marriage is the better choice. In a recent article in the Huffington Post, Dr. Kaplin outlined three keys to work toward a happier life. Men and women have the choice of how it will be – despite everything around them.
Step One: The first step is the right one
Dr. Kaplin wrote it doesn’t matter if she left him or he left her, the act of leaving is “a step in the right direction.” If Spouse A left Spouse B, they should have a good reason for it. Spouse A should feel they are moving forward, because sticking it out when it isn’t working will make both miserable. If Spouse B left Spouse A, it’s all right for Spouse A to “grieve the loss,” but Spouse A must ask themselves, “Do I really want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me?”
Step Two: Don’t worry, be happy
“Fake it until you make it,” Dr. Kaplin advises. “Act happy. Look for positive things to look forward to or enjoy in the moment.” Divorcees should not associate with people with a negative outlook on the situation. Never dwell on the “what ifs” or the “woulda shoulda couldas.” Create space between yourself and your ex and don’t embark on a mud slinging campaign against them, she advises.
“This is your opportunity to find out what makes you happy, not just how you can make others happy,” she advises. “This will be one of the most important skills of your life.”
Step Three: rewrite your history
“Clients often come to me with the most miserable divorce stories,” Dr. Kaplin writes. “They say things like, “I don’t deserve happiness,” “I always pick the worst partners,” “I’m not pretty enough to meet someone wonderful,” “I’m too old to find someone new. These stories find their way into your psyche and bring you down.” She advises her clients to escape the fate of living a self-fulfilling prophecy. Combat negativity with positive affirmations and change the story.
“A new story might be, ‘I am enough,’ ‘I am lovable,’ or ‘My life is filled with love, kindness, and joy,'” Dr. Kaplin writes. “That old story is negative programming in your brain and the only way to change it is to reprogram yourself. Yes, I know, you won’t believe the new story at first. That’s okay. Keep saying it until you start to own it, and it will become yours. If the story you tell yourself is a miserable one, it will be the one you live. If it’s a positive, hopeful one, then that is what you will start to attract in your life.”
Dr. Kaplin advises that her message can be summed up in one sentence:
“You have two choices: get divorced and be absolutely miserable or get divorced and work toward happiness.”
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