How do I avoid a narcissist and find the right guy?Recently on out divorce forum a user asked, "I divorced about five years ago- something I said I would never do. Lately I have found that I am attracted to the wrong type of guy, generally someone who seems too into themselves maybe even a narcissist. I don't want to get divorced a second time. What type of guy should I avoid?"
Identifying the narcissist
We've all been around that person that seems confident, assured of themselves and ready to conquer the world, but when does that behavior cross the line into narcissism?
Experts contend that everyone has a few narcissistic characteristics. The key, however, is to identify those individuals who have cross the line into what could be termed a narcissistic personality disorder. To identify this individual you can look for certain signs, many of which were identified in a Narcissistic Personality Inventory developed by Robert Raskin and Howard Terry in 1979.
So what do you need to look for? The signs are there, you just have to be wise enough to identify them.
Signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist:
- It's all about them
One of the first signs that you may dealing with a narcissist is their conversational style. We've all talked to people who want to tell you everything they have accomplished. No matter what the conversational topic or what stories you share the narcissist will steer the conversation back to something about them.
- A lot of short-lived relationships
Whether we're dealing with a romantic relationship or simply friendships a narcissist's relationships are generally short-lived. Experts argue this might be because relationships serve to confirm their sense of self, which does not foster a healthy, long-term relationship with another person.
- They may be extremely talented and love adoration
It's not unusual to see strong narcissistic character traits in those who are extremely talented. They love the adoration of their fans and they need a platform where everyone can see how great they are. Life can also become unbearable for them when their fame wanes and the fans stop screaming.
- They love to stand out.
A narcissist often focuses on outward beauty, and they may put a great deal of attention focused on what they look like. This does not mean that they have to be beautiful by society's standards, but they will do things to draw attention to themselves.
How to avoid a narcissist?
It sounds like you are at least aware that you have a problem avoiding certain types of guys. This is a start. The strategy to avoid a narcissist is to recognize the red flags. Next, make sure you give your relationship time to develop slowly and naturally without investing too much emotionally into it too fast. Avoid men who exhibit narcissistic behaviors including lying, cheating, stealing, manipulations, and addictions.